by Dan Rosen

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This is where to find original comedy songs that aren't for any particular project. It's not really an album, per se.


released July 1, 2009

All music and lyrics written, recorded, performed, mixed, and mastered by Dan Rosen, unless otherwise indicated.


all rights reserved



Dan Rosen New York

Producer of beats, soundtracks, and fake rap.

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Track Name: Victorian Life
Cause my name’s Tim But don’t you dare call me tiny/ When I pull down me trousers All the ladies be like “blimey!”/ Yeah I’m crippled, mothafucka almost everyone knows this/ Stricken from birth with renal tubular acidosis/ Though my legs may be shriveled but where it matters I’m huge/ If pussy was money I’d be Ebenezer Scrooge/ I’m the ghost of pimpin past and present still number one/ Then last night I showed your girl the ghost of things yet to come/ Yeah I got so much street cred that noone can match it/ I rob you suckas blind Count your money like Bob Cratchit/ But you know I’m just playing, y’all Just having some fun/
To all you artful dodgaz God bless us everyone!

Victorian life
Bust out your quills and take some dictation
Victorian life
There’s sewage in the streets got no public sanitation
Victorian life
We come from such hard times we can't practice moderation
Victorian life
The artful dodgaz gonna cause a sensation

I wanna hear all of you holla it’s Oliver twist/ You wanna hear my story I’ll give you the gist/ Straight down on my luck until I met my jew, fagin/ Showed me an unorthodox way to bring home the bacon/ Now I gots to pick a pocket or two or three/ You thought you had some rhymes now they all belong to me/ I’m a full grown man, you’re all a bunch of tykes/ You try to step to me I fuck you up like bill sykes/ Now I’m here to tell y’all Yo you trickses and hoeses/ Come over to my crib and I will buy your sweet red roses/ Now c’mon all you bitches get on the dance floor/ I’ll get all the ladies screaming “Twist, can I have some more?”

Victorian life
Living to close to our neighbors
Victorian life
We’re doin child labors
Victorian life
Work so hard to make every doller-ah
Victorian life
And everyone’s got cholera

Listen up it’s P-I-P, and you may think you don’t know me/ Probably skimmed my life story, now you tossers can blow me/ Straight from the marshes of kent my future couldn’t be blacker/ Till I got hooked up by my mysterious benefactor/ Now I got that money and jewels and the ladies I ravish ‘em/ Take a look at me now, Estella and miss havisham/ I got so much money I can pick up any chick and/ Bring them home choose which one I’ll stick my charles dick in/ But some of the ladies better start having abortions/ Or we’re gonna have a crisis of Malthusian proportions/ This goes out to the women from all the world’s nations/ If they hear that PIP’s coming they got some great expectations

Now all my orphans in the house throw your hands up
If you got no moms or dads throw those hands up
If you’re real old school throw your hands up
If you hate cold gruel throw your hands up
Track Name: Dan Rosen aka Lawblog - We Monsters
Yo, sometimes it seems like the world is out to get you. There’s a hole in the ocean, Vanilla Ice has a reality show, Justin bieber. And it seems like there’s nowhere you can go to make sense of it all without being called a noob fag. But luckily there’s an oasis of hope in the barf desert that is the internets.

It’s the land of top chef recaps and best new party game
I’m on it all the time which could explain why I’m partly lame
I’ll be hittin refresh until the day is over
Cause I need to know what the fuck is up with topher
Even though they don’t get references I make about Tony Romo
Still the best media blog in the world (no promo)
Tell my girlfriend I’ll be late and tell my boss that I am sorry
I spend all day making comments with my friends, what are we?

Don’t let the trolls hurt you
Got mad upvotes for notsewfast and werttrew
Keep your books on the shelf
In don’t matter cause the world is gonna end in 2012
One of my personal preferences
To make a song and fill it up with only inside references
Cause this flow has caught on
I’m this generation’s basil marceaux dot com

My gifs are so hot that the animation’s got you stunnin
Take you fools for a ride like Jeremy London
I’ll keep taking all my EGOTs on the mantlepiece they shine
Until the day that I retire like Amanda Bynes
I’ma keep posting every single day without rest
Cause you know I gots to win that caption contest
Week’s best comment you know I want to be on you
Time to photoshop more pictures of that sad Keanu
Or make a goop reference because we know that Gwenyth’s lackin
Find a picture of a puppy and then post in on the back end
Keep disrespecting Ke$ha for way long after this track ends
Open up my wallet’s filled with pictures of all of my black friends.

Put more posts on this thread
Keep going till it’s filled, yeah that’s what she said
Time to pop another bottle
We all big nerds, reports Duh Aficionado
We always up on the latest trend
You can’t downvote us but we don’t give a care, friend
Uh oh, you mad
Check out this next verse cause it’s totally rad

All of you haters out there who want to call us fake and gay
I’m up like Alvin greene shouting “no! Go Away!”
You say you don’t love us but that’s just to be mean and
You’ll probably end up singing along just like keenan
And we can take one for the team like joe mande
While gabe sits there gumming on a butterscotch candy
Get your sad don drapers cause that shit comes in handy
Winning the internet is our modus operandi
It’s dandy how you bring the latest in memes
Combing through detritus on those interweb streams
I depend on Godsauce to be so witty
And I expect Steve Winwood to say that “she’s pretty”
I read y’all so much that I it feels like you’re right there
A day without commenting, THAT is my nightmare.
Without y’all I don’t rise like bread without yeast
Yeah I’m a Monster… like mothafuckin huckabeast

-Double Rainbow all the way across the sky. What does it mean? What does it mean?
-Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park.
-You are the man now, dog. You are the man now.
-That’s your boyfriend.

Shout outs!