Comedy

by Dan Rosen

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1.
02:13
2.
TIM: Cause my name’s Tim But don’t you dare call me tiny/ When I pull down me trousers All the ladies be like “blimey!”/ Yeah I’m crippled, mothafucka almost everyone knows this/ Stricken from birth with renal tubular acidosis/ Though my legs may be shriveled but where it matters I’m huge/ If pussy was money I’d be Ebenezer Scrooge/ I’m the ghost of pimpin past and present still number one/ Then last night I showed your girl the ghost of things yet to come/ Yeah I got so much street cred that noone can match it/ I rob you suckas blind Count your money like Bob Cratchit/ But you know I’m just playing, y’all Just having some fun/ To all you artful dodgaz God bless us everyone! CHORUS Victorian life Bust out your quills and take some dictation Victorian life There’s sewage in the streets got no public sanitation Victorian life We come from such hard times we can't practice moderation Victorian life The artful dodgaz gonna cause a sensation TWIST: I wanna hear all of you holla it’s Oliver twist/ You wanna hear my story I’ll give you the gist/ Straight down on my luck until I met my jew, fagin/ Showed me an unorthodox way to bring home the bacon/ Now I gots to pick a pocket or two or three/ You thought you had some rhymes now they all belong to me/ I’m a full grown man, you’re all a bunch of tykes/ You try to step to me I fuck you up like bill sykes/ Now I’m here to tell y’all Yo you trickses and hoeses/ Come over to my crib and I will buy your sweet red roses/ Now c’mon all you bitches get on the dance floor/ I’ll get all the ladies screaming “Twist, can I have some more?” CHORUS Victorian life Living to close to our neighbors Victorian life We’re doin child labors Victorian life Work so hard to make every doller-ah Victorian life And everyone’s got cholera PIP: Listen up it’s P-I-P, and you may think you don’t know me/ Probably skimmed my life story, now you tossers can blow me/ Straight from the marshes of kent my future couldn’t be blacker/ Till I got hooked up by my mysterious benefactor/ Now I got that money and jewels and the ladies I ravish ‘em/ Take a look at me now, Estella and miss havisham/ I got so much money I can pick up any chick and/ Bring them home choose which one I’ll stick my charles dick in/ But some of the ladies better start having abortions/ Or we’re gonna have a crisis of Malthusian proportions/ This goes out to the women from all the world’s nations/ If they hear that PIP’s coming they got some great expectations TIM Now all my orphans in the house throw your hands up If you got no moms or dads throw those hands up If you’re real old school throw your hands up If you hate cold gruel throw your hands up
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(free) 01:49
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(free) 02:46
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Yo, sometimes it seems like the world is out to get you. There’s a hole in the ocean, Vanilla Ice has a reality show, Justin bieber. And it seems like there’s nowhere you can go to make sense of it all without being called a noob fag. But luckily there’s an oasis of hope in the barf desert that is the internets. It’s the land of top chef recaps and best new party game I’m on it all the time which could explain why I’m partly lame I’ll be hittin refresh until the day is over Cause I need to know what the fuck is up with topher Even though they don’t get references I make about Tony Romo Still the best media blog in the world (no promo) Tell my girlfriend I’ll be late and tell my boss that I am sorry I spend all day making comments with my friends, what are we? CHORUS Don’t let the trolls hurt you Got mad upvotes for notsewfast and werttrew Keep your books on the shelf In don’t matter cause the world is gonna end in 2012 One of my personal preferences To make a song and fill it up with only inside references Cause this flow has caught on I’m this generation’s basil marceaux dot com My gifs are so hot that the animation’s got you stunnin Take you fools for a ride like Jeremy London I’ll keep taking all my EGOTs on the mantlepiece they shine Until the day that I retire like Amanda Bynes I’ma keep posting every single day without rest Cause you know I gots to win that caption contest Week’s best comment you know I want to be on you Time to photoshop more pictures of that sad Keanu Or make a goop reference because we know that Gwenyth’s lackin Find a picture of a puppy and then post in on the back end Keep disrespecting Ke$ha for way long after this track ends Open up my wallet’s filled with pictures of all of my black friends. CHORUS Put more posts on this thread Keep going till it’s filled, yeah that’s what she said Time to pop another bottle We all big nerds, reports Duh Aficionado We always up on the latest trend You can’t downvote us but we don’t give a care, friend Uh oh, you mad Check out this next verse cause it’s totally rad All of you haters out there who want to call us fake and gay I’m up like Alvin greene shouting “no! Go Away!” You say you don’t love us but that’s just to be mean and You’ll probably end up singing along just like keenan And we can take one for the team like joe mande While gabe sits there gumming on a butterscotch candy Get your sad don drapers cause that shit comes in handy Winning the internet is our modus operandi It’s dandy how you bring the latest in memes Combing through detritus on those interweb streams I depend on Godsauce to be so witty And I expect Steve Winwood to say that “she’s pretty” I read y’all so much that I it feels like you’re right there A day without commenting, THAT is my nightmare. Without y’all I don’t rise like bread without yeast Yeah I’m a Monster… like mothafuckin huckabeast Sung: -Double Rainbow all the way across the sky. What does it mean? What does it mean? -Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park. -You are the man now, dog. You are the man now. -That’s your boyfriend. Shout outs!

about

This is where to find original comedy songs that aren't for any particular project. It's not really an album, per se.

credits

released July 1, 2009

All music and lyrics written, recorded, performed, mixed, and mastered by Dan Rosen, unless otherwise indicated.

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all rights reserved

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about

Dan Rosen New York

Producer of beats, soundtracks, and fake rap.

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